What Did You Say?

“You sound like a bullfrog when you sing,” the child was informed by her music teacher. These unkind words stuck with the child and still hurt as she confided them many years later at her child’s parent-teacher conference.

I’ve been considering the topic of words and speech and the positive and negative effects of our words. Is this just a topic for teachers? No. Student words can also have a big impact on others, as when Ethan comments to Marci, “You have the littlest row of stickers on the chart!”

We worked a lot on words this past year. There was so much of the “bathroom talk” among the boys. I told them it wasn’t that the words were bad, but they were unnecessary and inappropriate. A parent communicated her concern about it, saying that when these boys grow up, they might be businessmen, teachers, preachers, etc., and we certainly wouldn’t want to be hearing this kind of language from them. I worried sometimes that I was making it worse by trying to get it stopped—maybe if I would not correct them and bring attention to these words, the use would fade away. After a while, though, I decided it was disobedience and disrespect for this speech to continue. I had talked with parents, and most of them were working on it at home, too, and did not want these words spoken. One mother replied with, “Ugh” when I told her and said it was a fascination at home, as well. I know they are little boys and aren’t mature in their senses of humor and speech, but we want to support them in their growing up.

THINK

T= True

H=Helpful  

I= Inspiring  

N=Necessary

K=Kind    

I printed a poster of THINK and displayed it as we talked about THINKing before we speak. After Ethan’s comment to Marci, we can refer to this poster. Was that helpful and kind? When the boy continues the “bathroom talk” we can check against this poster. Is this conversation helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? It is none of these. We don’t need to be talking about this at all.  

Besides using the poster, I also posted a verse sheet from Ephesians 4:29: “No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” As we talked about this verse and applied it to our speech, the children were quite serious and thoughtful.

A number of other Bible verses are applicable here. Proverbs 10:19 ESV, “Whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Proverbs 10:19). Other helpful verses are Psalm 19:4, Psalm 141:3, Proverbs 16:24, Proverbs 18:21, and Proverbs 21:23.

I don’t want to focus on negative speaking, so I try to encourage positive words and speaking. I want to give positive words to my students. This can be in speaking and in writing comments. I want to affirm children as they speak positive and encouraging words to others. After Sheila sang a solo in chapel, Monica talked about how good Sheila did, and then she told Sheila and was very positive and encouraging to her. So I told Monica how I liked the way that she was so affirming to Sheila.

Word Hugs are another way we give positive words to each other. Words Hugs is a tradition for me to do near the end of the year. Each morning, we “talk about” several students. Their classmates give them “word hugs” by saying nice things to them. I like for them to say it directly to the student—“You are good at drawing.” “You are a nice friend.” “You run fast.”— and I record five comments for each child. I call on different children to share so that everyone is involved at some point. After we have talked about each child, I design the document so that each child has their own page of “hugs” and then I hand the pages to them. These are treasured papers. They usually want to make a page for me, too, and I appreciate their thoughts.

Giving examples of good, positive speech can be helpful, too. I like to relate this story to my class (not for my honor, but to illustrate the verse): One time when I was ordering computers for school, I tried to email and ask some questions. The salesman replied with some information, but I still had questions, so I called him. After I asked my questions, he replied, very rudely, “I already told you that!” This made me feel bad, but I made myself respond in a soft and gentle way, rather than speaking rudely back to him. After I replied kindly, his whole manner changed, and he was very helpful and friendly. We had several communications after that, and he was always helpful. What if I had been rude back to him? Do you think he would have helped me then? Think of Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17)

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash